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Its my B’day and I’ll Blog If I want to!

Goodbye 19, Hello 20! Is it me, or is time going faster? Is this a sign? Am I getting older? I am pretty sure the days and hours are just the same. However, I still feel as though there is NEVER ENOUGH TIME in a day or week to do what I need to do! (Rant Over) All joking aside 19 hasn’t been one of the best years of my life. However, it had its moments. I took a leap of faith this year, in blogging and sharing my weird thoughts with the world and ya know what? I am so glad I did.

Being that this Monday was my BIRTHDAY, I have been playing a memory wheel of the past year in my head. It’s amazing how many things can change in 365 days. I have learned so much about myself this year, not to mention how important it is to truly keep yourself first in all you do.

Since it was my b’day ( HEY FELLOW PISCEANS! ), I figured I’d compile a little list of some of the most important things I’ve learned thus far.

So here’s what I’ve got:

1.) YOU ARE GOING TO GET CRITICIZED NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, SO DO YOUR THANG.

images (2).jpgHonestly, this is number one for a reason. No matter where I’ve been in life, people have criticized me. If I had listened to every piece of negative feedback, I’d be like sitting in a dark cellar counting flies on the wall, drooling. We’ve all been criticized at one time or another. ‘You do you’ has become my new mantra. You gotta do what you gotta do, & either way someone, somewhere will have something to say. If you don’t want to be criticized, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

2.) START WITH A SMALL IDEA, ZONE IN ON IT, & BECOME REALLY, REALLY AWESOME AT THAT IDEA…TO LEAD TO BIGGER OPPORTUNITIES.

Instead of thinking big/BIG/BIGGGG, think small & grow outward like an upside down triangle. ‘If you chase two rabbits, you won’t catch either one.’ I always try to focus in on the niche & expand outward. Having 6 million ideas (Ahem…look who’s talking…but I’ve learnt from it) is scattered & doesn’t allow you to be a full-on PROFESSIONAL at one thing. I’d rather be a genius in one area, than average in twenty.

3.) BEING AN ASSHOLE GETS YOU NOWHERE. BE NICE.

We’ve all been there. Even always chillax me had such a moment a few months back. I was grumpy and irritable and annoyed and basically, all over bothered. My benchmate was gossiping with me about something or the other and I snapped at her because she was stretching the tale out long. Immediately I regretted it and guilt consumed my whole body…so I apologized sincerely. Nevertheless, she had been hurt by that and I take care never to hurt her again.

Lets face it, being a bitch is nasty. For one thing, you feel bad about it later and it hurts your emotional well-being as well.

Smile, be gracious, be kind, & be humble.

4.) YOU NEVER KNOW…

download.jpgOh geez. Don’t judge until you’ve walked in someone’s shoes. People assume they know everything about me because I am an open slash friendly person. They don’t. In fact, they don’t know 80% of my past or my life. I have had MANY bumps in the road. MANY. No one has seen my struggles, & that’s OK with me but to judge without knowing isn’t logical. Life online looks flawless, #blessed, & glamorous. Don’t judge a book by its cover because you never know. No one likes a Judge Judy anyway.


5.) YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE.

This is PROBABLY THE HARDEST THING EVER FOR ME. For years I would try to control the outcome of family drama, friendships, work, etc. This year I’ve realized that ‘it is, what it is’. Me trying to control the situation & change people into something they’re not is counterproductive & fucking pointless. It’s a waste of breath. People are who they are. This year I’ve become more accepting…especially because you never know the whole story. People are set in their ways for their own reasons.

6.) NO ONE IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.

If you want something to happen, get off your ass & make it happen. Ok if we’re being honest, this is one of my Dad’s life tips, so this was his addition. A fairy godmother isn’t going to come create a dream career for you because you are getting an amazing degree… Life is what you make of it. If you want to be a successful woman, go for it. It’s not going to fall into your lap. If you want to do good in the world, then do good. Opportunities don’t just fall from the sky, you gotta make it happen.

7.) WORRYING IS LIKE A ROCKING CHAIR, IT GETS YOU NOWHERE.


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I MEAN IF SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THIS AT 16, I WOULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH LESS STRESS. Worrying is pointless. Pointless. What’s the point of worrying? Whenever I start worrying about something I cannot control, I shift my focus. Life is going to flow how it flows.

And lastly,

8.) THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS FAIR OR UNFAIR.

Things are what they are. I keep the words ‘fair’ and ‘unfair’ out of my vocabulary. You make your own life, your own destiny, & your own future. You can get what you can get, or you don’t. Life isn’t fair or unfair, unless you cultivate that— focus on moving forward & don’t worry about what other people are doing…remember as Bethenny Frankel said “stay in your own lane!”

Obviously this is a list of things that I need to work on daily because I’m not perfect by any means & need daily reminders. Really, it just kind of helps to write these reminders down! I’m not preaching, just sharing…again, do what works for you!

Cheers to 20 years of me! Two whole decades of this crazy, dreamer self. Wow.

Now, I must go pack! For the best….is yet to come.

Yours forever-a-dreamer,

ZEEBEE.
P.S. What would you add to this? What have been your life lessons the past year?? Let me know in the comments below. Also please don’t forget to press that Star button if you liked this. And follow me for more such content. As always, don’t forget to bring your Imagination….wherever you go!  download (1)

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#Friends For Life???

Best friends make the good times better and the hard times easier.

Friends are the family that we choose ourselves.

Good friends are like stars, you don’t always see them but you know they are there.

True friendship isn’t being inseparable. It is being separated and nothing changes.

There are probably more than a million other quotes about friends and friendship. Instagram and Twitter feeds are literally over-flooded with pics of people posting ‘#Friends For Life!’. It gets annoying after a while, don’t you think? I mean, I understand you are friends, but no need to shove it into everyone’s face. Or is it just me? 

As for me, I’m happy to say that I have a small bunch of people that I call “friends”. Some of ’em are just friends, some close friends, some school friends, some college friends and some online friends. However I’m not sure I can say that I have “friends for life”. I’m not being depressive or thinking way too much. I’m just stating the obvious. It’s not that I don’t have friends who can be a part of my future life, they’re all awesome. The issue probably lies in me. I outgrow people really easily. One day I will be dying to talk to them and the other day, ignored texts, ignored talks and stuff. It took me actually a lot of “self talking” to come to this fact, that I do outgrow people really easily. And I do pay the consequences. I have lost a bunch of people who could have been my “forever”, if I would not have the habit of outgrowing. I honestly don’t know if I can call myself a good friend. It’s not that I don’t want to have friends for life, but I can’t help it. It may sound creepy but I get a feeling from the starting, knowing if this person is gonna be my long term friend or not. I know I know, I am still in college and I have my whoooole life left, I can make a lot of friends, but still. I do want some of my current friends with me in future.

But my suddenly not talking to my “friends” does not mean that I don’t care about ’em. I can proudly say that I’m a person someone can rely to. I may not be the funniest or that friend who’s always wanted but I’ll always be there. I may not talk but I’ll be there when someone needs me. I honestly don’t know if this “out growing” stuff only happens with me. And I really feel guilty. I swear. I do not want to lose people because of this. I have already lost a lot of ’em. But I’m happy to have these amazing people called as my “friends” who make life easier and more fun.5a7c0f1afa599052f01d1757e3f18e38

Is there anyone of you who outgrow people too? Is there such thing as “friends for life”?

Yours-in-deep-thought,

ZEEBEE.

 

Blood, Gore and….Romance?

It is currently late Saturday night and I really really have to write about this. I have feels, people! And I dont know what they are. 😦  This is the most confused I have been about a story. I had been planning to read this for the past 2 days. So I figured I couldn’t wait anymore so I read all 16.5 chapters of this manhwa (it’s Korean so it’s not a manga) online and now I have to tell you all about it. I found out about “Killing Stalking” from Tumblr (it was actually a YouTuber, akidearest who recently posted about this, here, who managed to really evoke my interest) and basically all I knew was that the people who liked “Yuri on Ice!” had now turned their attention towards this gay Korean horror manhwa for whatever reason.(dat description tho…)

It’s not a romance. Let’s get that out of the way right now. Killing Stalking, a manga created by the artist Koogi, is a tale best described as a psychological horror. One cannot call this story of two deeply troubled individuals, one with severely obsessive tendencies, and another who is a sadistic lunatic, a romance. There is a special, codependent bond between the two characters, complete with plenty of great sexual contact, but there is no love. It’s all so incredibly unhealthy and wrong.

My thoughts on this are really reeeeeeeeeeaaaaally a mess. It’s horrible and has even me gagging at the horror. But I am obsessed.

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We begin our increasingly bloody and suspenseful journey with Yoon Bum, a skinny, non-threatening guy who chats us up about his secret crush. He speaks of how he follows his crush, a hot guy by the name of Sangwoo (with dreamy, tousled two-toned hair and cool ear plugs) on social media. And then that shit goes past being a typical millennial with an infatuation and internet access right into “What the fuck are you doing?” territory. Yoon Bum is stalking his Sangwoo. As in physically tracking him and using some CSI style ks1moves to gain access into Sangwoo’s home eventually. It turns out that the cause of Yoon Bum’s obsession was that Sangwoo happened to intervene during the would-be rape of Yoon Bum, thwarting the rapist’s plans. It makes one pity him, you know. Stalking is bad. I know it but still can’t help but feel sympathy for him. Despite never having spoken to him, Yoon Bum builds up Sangwoo as this perfect, unattainable deity of light and goodness and masturbatory material. It’s quite disturbing to behold, and the whole time I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Yoon Bum, even as I was cringing at his creepiness. Koogi does a decent job of evoking the right amounts sympathy, empathy, and morbid curiosity in how Yoon Bum’s thoughts and actions are presented. As utterly pitiful as he is, he seems real. I sometimes found myself thinking that Yoon Bum is not a bad guy, just a lost, pathetic one, even as I watched him do things I would undoubtedly categorize as bad.

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And then we meet Sangwoo. He is, inevitably, not nearly as perfect Yoon Bum had imagined. Yeah, he’s still kind of sexy up close, but he’s no god. He’s a flawed human being. And I mean fucking flawed. He literally has an insatiable bloodlust large enough to rival an entire coven of horny psychotic vampires. Yes, he is still really hot. Yes, he can tumblr_static_tumblr_static_c33f7xbytbwc4ocwsswc4sc8g_640.jpgbe quite charismatic. And yes, that is blood on his shirt.
Sangwoo is a great antagonist, according to me. I love villains like him. His evil is appalling and stomach churning, yet he is still entirely human. His moods are ever changing, and his motive is not clear. You know how typical archetypal villains have a clear goal, lurking in the shadows and twirling their moustaches diabolically? Sangwoo is not that guy. We don’t know what his goal is, and his disposition changes often enough to create suspense and breathe life into what could have been just another boring bad guy. He is not consistent in his cruelty, but he is still very very bad. And there are these subtle hints as to why he’s like this. A bad childhood….But it brings further angst in me. How far can we blame a bad childhood for a messed up personality? What about all those people who have had messed up childhoods IRL and still managed to grow up normal?

I love that ‘Killing Stalking’ makes me ask these questions. I like that that it keeps me on my toes. I like the creator’s ability to make me feel brief sympathy for Sangwoo, although he makes my skin crawl. I’m also a sucker for stories with attractive antagonists. Most societies place such emphasis on looks that we are more willing to accept shitty things from beautiful people. Having a “beautiful” villain plays into the whole theme of making allowances for things we shouldn’t, only to end up being brutally reminded of exactly why we shouldn’t. It’s the definition of a psychological thriller. It’s a mindfuck, and I couldn’t stop reading until I’d poured over every currently available chapter.

While it’s obvious that I’m hooked, I would not go as far to say that ‘Killing Stalking’ is a tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640.jpgmust read for everyone. The subject matter alone is enough to put anyone off rightfully, and then there’s the way it handles the issue of homosexuality thus far. There’s also the growing fandom, a good chunk of which seems hellbent on trying to “ship” Sangwoo and Yoon Bum. Rooting for two characters to be together based solely on sexual chemistry is one thing. Everyone wants to see hot people be together, no big deal. It’s another when that relationship is a graphic illustration of blatant mental, emotional, and physical abuse. These characters aren’t meant to be admired or exulted.

From a storytelling standpoint, “Killing Stalking” excels at suspenseful moments. There were times when Yoon Bum01ae5a6d1dd7022abe5f1cc3f5e36e64 would try to escape (or even the first time he tries to break into Sangwoo’s house) that had me freaking out because I was so anxious and needed to know what was going to happen. And god, Sangwoo sings! That is soooooooo creepy!!! ‘Killing me Softly with his Song’…..it’s such a romantic song but it takes a whole new creepy bone-chilling meaning with this. Gawd! This manga….sorry manhwa is soooo messed up. I cant find the words to express this. You need to read it to understand. It literally send shivers down my spine. Just this picture. Imagine! It is a very gory manhwa and it being in full color doesn’t really lessen the effect of it at all. (Although I do really enjoy reading something in color for once!)

All that said, do I recommend it?

tumblr_static_tumblr_static_9aw0csx5qu4gsssgok4wkookk_focused_v3.pngPossibly. The subject matter can be too much for some. As I said, it had me scrunching up my eyes and cringing and looking away at some moments. There’s no shortage of gore, depictions of sex and sexual violence, examples of psychological trauma and abuse, and unpleasant things. I don’t celebrate or applaud any of these things; they’re scary. So no, I don’t “ship” Yoon and Sangwoo. I don’t find their relationship to be good or sweet or otherwise beneficial to either party; it’s unarguably wrong. Killing Stalking can best be described as a good read about bad things. It doesn’t glorify or romanticize these things but presents them for what they are as we swipe to the next page, feeling equal parts anxiousness and dread.

For my final comments on it, I would say that I do enjoy it as a whole because it is really effective as a psychological horror and the art is really nice. It probably goes without saying, but this is not light reading. If any of the themes and subject matter are things you cannot deal with, I suggest staying away for your well-being. If you enjoy disturbing (yet thought-provoking) psychological thrillers with a healthy dose of gore, and nail-biting suspense, then it’s worth a read. I would never recommend it to anyone. Simply out of fear they might never speak to me again. But since I had to talk about this, I decided to recommend it to you guys! Go ahead and read it!

Yours-absolutely-hooked,

ZEEBEE.

P.S. I have been obsessing over psychopaths this month, haven’t I? First Moriarty then Sangwoo……sigh. Go read about my love for Moriarty here.

P.P.S. If you like this review and want to see more in the future, please be sure to subscribe to my blog! And don’t forget to like this if you did. Share your views about this in the comments below.tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640

A Poem Should Be…

kencraftpoetry

macleishArs Poetica. According to both Merriam and Webster, it means “a treatise on the art of literary and especially poetic composition.” And strictly speaking, in the Dead Language (that’s Latin to you), it means “the art of poetry.”

Many poems carry this title, and it is considered a rite of passage to write your own Ars Poetica. Thus, if you count yourself a poet and haven’t written one, you should. I know, I know. What a pain in the ars.

So to start, think of this: What should a poem be?

Done? OK. Then here’s better advice: Think of what a poem should not be. Chances are, brainstorming this way will lead you to thoughts most no one else has had while parsing and arsing this fabled beast called poetry.

Don’t believe me? Check out Archibald MacLeish’s go at it:

Ars Poetica by Archibald MacLeish

A poem…

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Awkward Encounters.

I’ve recently discovered that, after someone makes a pass at me, I can’t ever feel comfortable around them ever again. Every time they talk to me, I get a pretty strong anxious reaction. I don’t want them to get the impression that I return their feelings, but I also don’t want to insult them by telling them I’m not interested (especially if they’ve gotten the hint and aren’t trying to flirt anymore). I’ve probably shut at least three people out of my life for this reason. I feel bad about it, but Continue reading “Awkward Encounters.”

Fifty Shades Of Yellow.

Banana, cadmium yellow, chartreuse, chiffon, cream, golden, goldenrod, khaki, lemon, mellow yellow, saffron, topaz and yellow ochre….and….and many many many more. So many….shades of Yellow.

Cheerful sunny yellow is an attention getter. Yellow is sunshine. Wearing yellow clothes or

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Adding a touch of yellow brightens up any room!

adding just touches of yellow to your clothing will make you feel more joyful and optimistic. It will boost your energy levels and improve your sense of well-being. It is good to adorn your house with yellow accessories and yellow flowers – they will brighten up your mind and enhance your mood.

While it is considered an optimistic color, people lose their tempers more often in yellow rooms, and babies will cry more. It is the most difficult color for the eye to take in, so it can be overpowering if overused. Yellow enhances concentration.

It is a warm color that, like red, has conflicting symbolism. On the one hand, it denotes happiness and joy, but on the other hand yellow is the color of cowardice and deceit. Yellow is for happy people and cowards. Mostly warm and friendly, yellow usually works best as a companion to other colors. – Jacci Howard Bear’s Desktop Publishing Colors and Color Meanings.

Yellow is one of the energetic colors. Because of the high visibility of bright yellow, it is often used for hazard signs and some emergency vehicles. Yellow is cheerful.

All in all, yellow seems an incredibly positive color. In limited amounts, though.

Now….what do you think, is the color of insanity? Some say gray. Some pitch-black. Even others say white, like a ghost. However, I feel insanity is such a strong thing. Sooo…shouldn’t it be represented by a bolder color?? How about yellow? Here are a few things to ponder:

In Russia, a colloquial expression for an insane asylum is “yellow house” because (a long time ago) they used to be painted yellow.

tumblr_nbhmwc7elb1rxmkxeo1_500The Yellow Wallpaper” by Charlotte Gilman Perkins has been tied to a certain form of OCD. Furthermore, the color of the wallpaper has been explored in a number of scholarly literary papers.

Van Gogh’s palette became more and more yellow towards the end of his life. His “insanity” was supposedly caused by lead poisoning because he inadvertently “ate” his paints (“hand to mouth” gestures, holding a brush handle in his mouth, etc.).

Studies on the effects of LSD (& other hallucinogenic drugs) have shown drawings/paintings by “crazy” folks with much more yellow as the effects advanced.

Yellow was said to be Einstein’s favorite color as well as the favorite color of serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer. Some say that yellow is the favorite color of those who display mental extremes.

“Safety yellow” (used on US road signs and packaging) is a bright yellow similar to the color in nature on venomous snakes and insects — and especially so when combined with black. Some say that we instinctively see yellow as dangerous and/or stressful.

On the other hand, it’s worth noting quotes about yellow from the great masters of painting in Western art history: Vincent Van Gogh called it “a color capable of charming God,” Kandinsky said “a picture painted in yellow always radiates spiritual warmth” and Degas said “What a horrible thing yellow is.”

Thus, to sum it, I’d like to say that as is the case with any color, there are mixed meanings.It’s impossible to declare any one color represents something.

Yours-coincidentally-obsessed-with-yellow-currently,

ZEEBEE.

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P.S. What do you say is the color of insanity? Comment below.

P.P.S. Hey….I hope you like this one. It took a lot of research, ya know…..juuuuust sayin’  😉                   

 

Why I Love James Moriarty.

Okay sherlockians!

Soooo….a while back, I had a discussion with a Sherlock fan about Jim Moriarty. Aaannnd…..I was surprised to find that apparently more than half the fandom dislike James.

At least That‘s the view of the people around me. And as usual, I provide the contradiction. I love him. He’s literally my favorite character in Sherlock. What’s there to hate? So I’m going to list the things I love about James Moriarty. And hopefully, you’ll understand his awesomeness.

1. He is Toootally crazy.raw

And I love it. I think that this is one of the aspects that makes him such an interesting character. Disorders include Narcissistic personality disorder, sadistic personality disorder, passive-aggressive personality disorder, possible antisocial personality disorder or in a word, a psychopath. Let’s be honest, it’d be boring if Sherlock’s arch-nemesis was ‘ordinary’, right?

2. He is incredibly intelligent.

James Moriarty didn’t just trick Sherlock with his disguise in ‘The Great Game’, he also tricked him and even Mycroft Holmes (who is even smarter than Sherlock!) that there’d be a key code in ‘The Reichenbach Fall’. And also to mention is that he faked his death and Sherlock didn’t notice. He knew exactly how Sherlock would react if he ‘killed himself’.

3. He is unpredictable.

You never know if he’ll flirt with you or start screaming mid-sentence and this just makes it so much more exciting. Plus, just remember how he attempted to steal the crown jewels.

4. He is sooooo changeable!tumblr_mze1x4pr4g1sabwaso2_500

This is literally my favorite line of his! (OK…I say that for every line…but let’s ignore that) Let’s just talk about ‘The Great Game’.

We wouldn’t have thought it was the guy from the morgue, ‘Jim from IT’, because he seemed so innocent , just like ‘Rich Brook’ in the ‘Reichenbachfall’. As he is a psychopath which means he can’t feel like ordinary people feel he can perfectly act as if he would.

5. He is the perfect villain.

He loves fairy tales, and pretty grim ones too.

Let’s just mention that he wore a fox tie pin at court. There’s a Grimm fairy tale about a fox who fakes his own death.

6. Andrew Scott.

He is such a brilliant actor. I really love how he portrays James in the ‘modern’ Sherlock Holmes story. God, that actor is sooo talented. Plus, can we talk about how adorable and cute Andrew is? And I love that he started dancing to the music in ‘the Reichenbachfall’ (it wasn’t in the script).

7. His Eyes

They can be so beautiful and soft sometimes but when he suddenly screams they just immediately frighten you. Like…seriously…go search Moriarty on Google images and see the eyes in each picture.

8. His riddles.

The reason why I was so excited for Moriarty when I first watched Sherlock is because he gets mentioned a lot in the first episodes but isn’t shown. Then in the great game, there’s the row of riddles Sherlock has to solve and gets close to Moriarty after every riddle. And the biggest riddle there was was the final problem where both of them faked their death.

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Okay guys! I could list a lot of other things I love about him but I hope people who don’t like him can now partly comprehend why there is so much sherlockians who like him and think he is an interesting character.

Now, in my opinion the key to creating a memorable villain is, as with all good characters, a sense of who they are. And like Moriarty says “Because we’re not so different, you and I. Because we both get bored, we both spend all our lives searching and searching for distractions…only you’re boring. You prance around London, solving other people’s problems, and you know it could have been different, oh, it could have been very different…when you look at me, Sherlock, you don’t see a criminal or a monster. You see the man that you could have become. You see yourself.” Yep.He knows!

Jim Moriarty is psychologically similar to Sherlock in many ways. They share similar personality type , and a lot of the same positive and negative traits. However, the difference between the two is that Sherlock copes with his boredom in ways that benefit others, whereas Jim Moriarty copes with his boredom in ways that are destructive to not only others, but himself.

Lastly, I know, I know. People(hi mom) say that he’s just a fictional character. Don’t obsess over him. Ordinary people don’t do that. So…..there’s only one answer to that.

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Maybe psychopaths are just my type.<winks>

Your-forever-contradictory,

Continue reading “Why I Love James Moriarty.”